there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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