it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
