I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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