Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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