his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
