I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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