____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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