I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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