Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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