I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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