oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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