I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
