Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
