I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
