It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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