i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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