it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
