Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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