I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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