I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
