I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
