Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
