I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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