U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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