And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
