you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
