so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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