I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
