so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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