last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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