I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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