your parents love me but you hate me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
