What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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