Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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