we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
