Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
