I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
