She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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