Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
