woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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