they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
