I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
