the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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