I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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