i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
