He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
