can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
