no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
