Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
