She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
