My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
