I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
