i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize