she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
