Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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