cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
