I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
