my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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