When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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