On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
