ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
