Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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