Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
