Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
