If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
