you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
