Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
