i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
not ubering you a puppy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
