I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
