Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
