Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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