Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
