alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
