I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
