these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
