tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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